now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
