Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
