I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.