genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
