I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.