I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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