i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family