My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
