I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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