Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
