I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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