my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
