i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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