i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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