Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
