i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
