I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
operation harelip BJ is a go
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
