Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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