fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
