Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
