on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
