i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
