I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
