I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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