hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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