I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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