I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
