I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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