I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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