Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
