Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
