MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
