the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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