Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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