Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
