i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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