What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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