why didn't you poke me back
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
