I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
