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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
