i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize