Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Farmville is her only friend.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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