a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
