i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
