I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
