just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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