wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
