I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
