if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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