My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
