im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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