I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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