You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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