then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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