I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
