Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
