the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
