i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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