Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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