I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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