no, he came in my armpit
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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