Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I forget how to act sober
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