that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
