And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
