They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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