I love black thongs
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
