just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize