If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
