No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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