the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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