my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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