ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
