Who wears a wallet chain?!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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