i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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