How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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