im gay
i know
yea but for you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
