thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
