My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
