He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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