Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize