Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
