she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've blown a few things in my day
well you can't waste a boner
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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